She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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