Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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