Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
