Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
