I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
