Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
