At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
