Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
