just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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