In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
