a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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