I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
