dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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