someone threw a dead crab at me
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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