1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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