I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
