exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
