oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
