I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
