ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
