Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
