So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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