God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
