He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
