we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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