Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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