Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
