i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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