KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
