Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
