We got so high we made milksteak
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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