boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm like, not good at living.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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