i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
