he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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