I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
ttyl tear gas
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
