I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
