wrigley field is MILF paradise
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
