Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
