guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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