I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
