get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
