I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You are the jesus of drinking
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
