I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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