Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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