HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Plan B is the new Plan A
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
