'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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