So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
