dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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