I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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