We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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